Look up to the sky

Because in the end, you know that Allah SWT's thoughts of you matter the most. And despite everyone else getting the wrong idea about you yourself, push all those worries aside because you know Allah SWT knows who you really are, knows what you're best at, knows your lowest point, knows when your heart was/is hit with a pang of sadness, heartbreak, yadda yadda, all those private conversations you have with Him are the best channel for you to unleash whatever that you have been keeping to yourself all these while.

That's the best thing about the special relationship you have with Him. You know that He will always, ALWAYS be there for you.

That, my dear, is the BEST relationship, ever.

Life is anything but unfair, cruel, and gruesome. Without us realizing it (including me, ESPECIALLY me) we have the tendency to blame life for whatever that has been happening to us. "Life sucks, life's unfair, I had rather died than to live through this whatever that has been making me feel miserable" Life is not being cruel, it is just carrying out its responsibility and making its own part in giving you the best that you could have out of it. Because no matter how bad the situation that you're in now, you ought to know that somehow someday you will get through it. You will.

"If Allah brings you to it, He will definitely get you through it."

"Allahumma arif binafsi."

Verily, Allah SWT knows everything, even the littlest secrets about yourself that you yourself have not ever known of. That's why Allah SWT has mapped our life in such a beautiful way that could benefit us in the end.

Tapi kau masih lagi tak bersyukur kan Qurratu? T__T

When the realization surfaces;

I do believe in happiness and finding that someone who will truly loves you for who you are, but IDK, somehow I am pretty pessimistic about it as I have set my mind that it's gonna be hard for a Mr Right to accept me and be with me through everything and would never ever leave me.

Issues with abandonment, checked.

BTW,  finals are getting closer, approximately 2-3 weeks more before exams, and as usual I am not prepared. Though I have to say that studying can really soothe and calm me in a way...

I'm a geek like that. :B

All in all,

Ayah : Tadi Ayah dapat message dari Anuar, pegawai Rumah Melaka. Dia wish Ayah Selamat Hari Bapa.
Me: Oh ye ke. Lepas tu Ayah jawab apa?
Ayah : Ayah reply, Selamat Hari Bapa dari Ayah kepada anak anak Melaka yang ada kat situ.
Me : .... *krik krik* Ayah nak suruh Akak wish ayah ke apa? Sebab I don't celebrate Father's Day. Okaylah Selamat Hari Bapa, Ayah!
Ayah : Haaa, terima kasihh.
Me on the other line : =.=

As harsh as I may sound in the conversation, yes, I don't celebrate Father's Day, Mothers' Day, etc etc. I don't believe in allocating one day just to celebrate the presence of your parents. Why do so when you can show your appreciation towards them everyday?

Living far from them, staying abroad, somehow has created this fear in myself. Fear of losing them, fear of not being able to see them before anything happens to them, Nauzubillah Min Zalik, fear of not being able to listen to their voice, etc, etc. Somehow living thousands of miles away from them has taught me to appreciate them more, and has opened my eyes and my mind to see the sacrifices that they have made for me.

Ayah... Ayah is such a heroic icon for me. My own knight-in-shining armor, the only man that I knew that would try his very best to make me happy, the only man that would have listened to me cry, ramble, rant without judging me, the only man that would have drove from our house in Malacca to see me in Matriks Melaka in Masjid Tanah in heavy rain, the only man that would not be tired in giving me motivational quotes although I have had numerous breakdowns, the only man that would not show his disappointments although I have failed to live up to his expectation, the only man that have invited my guy friend to my house for iftar, the only man that would have talked enthusiastically about English and USA, that's Ayah.

No matter how many times that I have felt angry at you (blame me for being the oh-so-called rebellious), no matter how many times have I cried, I know that deep down I will try my very best to do something that will be able to put a smile on Ibu's and your faces. Seeing you both smiling for something that I have done would be one of my biggest accomplishments.

People call you Pak Din, Uncle Din, 'Ke Din, PM Zainud-din, but to me you will always be my Ayah, and I will always be your little girl. I love you and I miss you. 44 more days before I could see your face again. <3 <3

The first step that you take;

The first step that you take to break out from the norm, it's never easy.

To break out from the norm, to put a stop to whatever that you have been doing or to click that "Delete" button to cut the connection that you could have between you and it, or him, or her, it takes one giga dose of courage to do so. And sometimes, you could end up not being able to proceed to the second step, which is, moving on.

I have been there, done that. If any of you have followed my entries from these past few years, I have been mentioning about moving on, forgetting about something/someone, bla bla bla, and how ashamed I am to read all those entries because right now, sadly, I am not even an inch away from the same old spot that I have been in for the past few years.

Cakap gebang, they say?

I guess back then, when I said that I wanted to move on or things like that, I guess I was really determined. At that particular moment. As I was writing those entries. Yes, the drive and the determination to step forward were there. But still, I failed to make the second step ; moving on, successful. I was pampering and feeling sorry for myself too much, and yet I have permitted myself to drown myself into those fragment of memories.

And a thought clicked in my mind as I was listening to Separated by Usher. I shouldn't feel sad, or regret, on the whole incident that have occurred last two years. I shouldn't blame myself for being ignorant at that time, because if I wouldn't been that, imagine what position I will be in now?

I have realized that whatever I'm doing now, I'm doing it in the favor for Allah SWT. O' Allah, the Greatest, the Most Merciful, Allah has mapped our path in the most amazing way that we couldn't imagine. I'm just a normal human being who are bound to make mistakes every now and then, and Allah has made it easier for me to "break out from the norm".

And now, I will not make promises like before. Promises to forget the past and to move on. Let the past be one of my guidances, and let Allah SWT help me to go through everything. Have faith in Him, insha-Allah you will never be disappointed.

"Hai orang-orang mukmin, jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, niscaya Dia akan menolongmu dan meneguhkan kedudukanmu."

[Muhammad, 47:7]

-From Zahidah Azman's blog.

Masih jauh lagi. Terlampau jauh. It's okay, baby steps will do, insha-Allah <3

When fate strikes,

"I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we'll always remember when our paths aligned at this period of time and I'll be thankful for that. And I hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful, too. And I think that's the best that we can wish for."

-Strangers, again.

Spillt milk

There are million other things that I have regretted doing in the past, but somehow over the years I have managed to ensure myself that I could get high doses of experiences and life lessons and values from whatever mistakes that I have done. Like they say, mistakes are the best teachers and I know those mistakes will toughen me up a bit in the future, somehow.

Lately I have been having this uncertainty, wait no uncertainty is not really the appropriate phrase to be used here, how should I put this, emm, I have been feeling restless and worried about something. Felt like something went amiss. And I have come across the thought , the realization that I haven't been on good terms with everyone around me. Yeah sure I have my best buds and cliques and all with me, but what I realize is that I still have a few of those friends that I have not talked to like ages. Drifted apart, I mean.

And partly, well not partly I guess, I guess it's solely because of my ignorance. Ignorance is a pure bliss, but when I have been ignoring for numerous of times, well, it's leading to something worse...kan? Things will not go the way I wanted the whole time, and the last conversation I had with a particular friend of mine really slaps me to the reality. A pang of guilt was felt, and oh how low did I feel after having that conversation.

I have not been a good friend at all, all these while. and yeah, from what I have learnt from my Human Rights classes, one of our rights is to be free from torture and degrade treatment. Yep, as off as it sounds, I have been doing that to my friend all these while since high school ended. Crap, why am I getting into details? My lack of writing has to be blamed for all this jumbling ideas and all. gukh.

Entahlah, I felt really guilty, seriously. Rasa macam how cruel have I been to that friend of mine. Then I have come to a realization, I have issues with ignorance. I'm so good at it, and I have done it so many times, that I have managed to push people away from me. Because I have done that again for the second time, and sadly I have lost that important person too. :(

Spillt milk. Yep. I have been spilling / pouring those milk for the past few years, and I have lost 2 of the most important people in my life. I won't lie to say that I miss them, each of them has played important parts in my life. Each of them has created colorful memories, banyak gile punye memories la, be it bitter, be it sweet, be it bitter and sweet = bittersweet symphony okay boleh pergi search lagu tu kat youtube. okay tak.

I guess this is the right time to say, "Learn from the mistakes, take note of all the important lessons that you could have learnt, and look forward, and keep my chin up." Let the past be a sorta like a guideline for me from not doing the same thing to everyone that is surrounding me now.

And they say, life is a learning process, and we will forever be revolving, changing, towards better us. And I'll try. I'll try.

How ironic, I keep telling people to keep their chin up and be positive, but boy, only God knows how optimism has not been in Qurratu's dictionary for quite a long time. 

Pernah tak rasa disappointed dengan diri sendiri? Disappointed dengan the person you have turned out to be?

Pernah tak rasa serabut?

Pernah tak rasa takut?

Pernah tak rasa hopeless?

Kick off your sandals mate;

Okay before I could start rambling out anythinggg;

That is the only thing I ate today. NO NASI BABEYH but there is sambal ikan waiting for me downstairs so uhmmm I'm still thinking whether I should just give up on the no-nasi-for-today diet and go for that awhsome-sambal-ikan downstairs.

By the way, hello earthlings, hello people. I am proud to announce that I have come to my senses to start writing relevant posts more instead of the stupid imaginative posts on wedding and marriage to Andrew Garfield. Though gahh only God knows how much I want it to happen, but here I am, both feets down, typing away though there's nothing much going on in my head that I could pour into writing.

Though I started to get not so keen on writing about my life lately on my blog, (or IN my blog, whatever) and well, started to get me thinking what's the use of me having a blog. Pfft. I know I know. You must be sick of reading that whole deleting-my-blog thingy hereee, so jyeah I'm gonna drop the subject now. Okay ayat tergantung, though I ...... (sila copy and paste what I have written above I'm not that rajin to type all over again) I just feel the need of feeding my blog with a masuk-akal punye post. Okaylah takdelah masuk akal, I mean like something about myself. (Marrying Andrew Garfield is not included) So here I am.

So well, emm, today is one of the most un-productive days, again, as usual, and day by day I'm getting nearer to my departure day back to Egypt. T_T I miss Egypt, there's no doubt about it, I miss studying, I miss holding the books, I miss WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE P DIDDY okay tak waking up in the morning getting ready for classes, sitting at the back of the class but still that's not an excuse for us to not pay attention in class, I miss watching TV Series with my housemates, I miss having good times with my housemates, getting crazy with them, I miss being friendly with the Egyptians, basically I miss everything.

But hey, I know that this is going to be the hardest goodbye ever. Because I spend about golly one month and a half in Malaysia, without me planning for it to happen, and I'm getting attached to Malacca, Malaysia...Oh God as I'm typing this I could feel that my heart my soul is getting heavy and  filled with sorrow. Gukh, what a pathetic attempt to be all Judith McNaught-like, Qurratu. There are not many things that I have done since I'm back in Malaysia, but at least I get to meet Fatimah and Syafika, who for God's sake, I haven't seen her for nearly 2 freaking years. T_T

So jyeah, lets talk about my holiday (it sounds kinda funny when we use the term holiday here). Am not gonna spill the whole damn thing about it, but lets just say I am kinda amazed myself that my father would let me go to KL alone, ALONE. 

And to Nau and her family who have let me stay over, thank you so much :)

And to Ayu, Mimi, Bedah, Didi, it was great to see you guys and let me have my first Tutti Frutti, too bad I was having diarrhea and couldn't enjoy it that much :(

And to Fatimah, the combination of us could be the craziest ever D: Now I can proudly say that both of us are one of the most random people everrrrrrr and tahu tak kat Tumblr ada satu image tu cakap you and your best friend could be the best joker ever aaa something like that laaa ohmygod it was greattttt you knowww =') me with annoying you by getting all the lines to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream all mixed up, getting lost while trying to find the Embassy of Egypt, waited for almost 2 hours lining up while I can easily go inside the Embassy to take my passport, that little road trip to Shah Alam, meeting Iman, that quick nap we took at Jajat's house, waking up to the news about Japan ='( ohmygod banyak gila okay kalau type memang tak habis lah kan. But it was greatttttt ='))))

And to Syafika, God, after years of not seeing you! Thank you so much for bringing me to the vintage bazaar by the way, it was my first time ever of being to one, and finally I see all these people and they got their awesome style going on. Now I know I used to tell my friends how overrated it is now that like almost every girl in the town is trying to look like Hana Tajima. Not that I'm against her or anything, hey don't take me wrong here, but I'm the type of person who gets sick of something that has been blown out of proportion. 

And being there at the bazaar, well, it was nice seeing them and their own creative ways on styling themselves. And I really like it when they know how to style it right without going overboard, over the boundaries. You get what I mean? :)

So yeah, to Syafika again, I'm sorry with all the rush. But it was great, the redah-hujan-with-kilat-or-guruh-sambung-menyambung, (It is dangerous, yaknowww) with you in your maxi dress, and me holding and clutching tightly onto the paper bag and the macaroons that you paid for (FINALLY I GET TO EAT MACAROONS YESS), it was totally, totally worth it Peeka. =') 

OKAY TAK TAHU DAH NAK TULIS APA. Come to think again I feel like deleting all these that I have typed thinking how erh how funny I should have sound like but emm still Ahh whatever it's  not that I'm gonna post something like this that often,no?

P/S : Munirah Hashim, bila nak balik Melaka?

P/S: My prayers go out to all the people in Libya and Japan. God, to be honest with you with everything that happens now, and just now I read that a volcano in Indonesia erupted, God, I'm really, really, really scared. ='(

Okay;

Dah jumpa dah calon untuk lagu kat bawah ni.

You little beautiful creaturee

Sway me like the sea

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.


-----


I'm so playing this for my wedding.

These days I haven't been sleeping;

Yes, as weird as this may sound, (or not, =.=') though I have been in Malaysia for a week, my eyes and my body are still not adjusted to Malaysian sleeping time, 

And I'm  not sure whether this is due to the freaking jet lag,

Or sebab mata aku memang ngada-ngada tak nak tido. =.=

And jyeahhh I will end up sleeping at 4 or 5 in the morning everyday. Geddit? EVERYDAY kot.

Oh yeah! Haritu managed to get my mum to buy me Nyam Nyam hihihih

BTW, am I like the only one yang rasa tak fair sebab coklat dia lagi sikit dari dia punye uhh warna warni tu? Haha korang paham tak apa yang aku cuba sampaikan? 

And here I am,

Because I missed the presence of you two. 

Alhamdulillah, safe and sound, back in one piece.

Unforgettable, unexpected, amahzinggg, wonderful 18-days journey of ours.

It will take me forever to talk about whatever that has been going on in Egypt,

But I can say that there were times that I was saddened seeing Egypt going through such a rough time for the past few weeks.

And am hoping to see new changes in Egypt, insha-Allah.

Egypt has honestly touched my soul, honestly.

And I miss letting the knowledge of us, of our human body amazes me.

And, despite that brave act that I have put on now,

I can honestly say that there is a tiny part of me that is scared of losing everything's precious around her.

Which explains why I got myself clouded with tears as I was thinking about 2 of my younger brothers whom are currently in their boarding schools.

Gukh.

And oh yeah for another record,

to Nurul Syafika, thanks for that post of yours you have done in the midst of riot.

Seriously you made my day.

I lalalalalalove you, you know that?

p/s : have been thinking of deleting this blog yeayyyyeayyyyeayyy

And the heat is on;

"Benda takkan berlaku kalau tanpa izin Allah SWT"

Bittaufiq wannajah to all students who will be and are sitting for their exams right now, may everything will be going smoothly, Amin Insha-Allah :)