Rasa-rasanya,

Have been thinking of deleting this blog.

Just realized that I have lost that writer side of me, pfft, lets see, I have clicked on that "New Post" button for a while now and yet the page is still blank.

No words, no pictures, nada.

Andddddd that fact actually stinks.

Because I used to love writing.

What happened to that?

Hmmphh, maybe this blog will be on hiatus for a while. Okay scratch that, it won't be a surprise if this blog will not be updated for weeks or even worse, months.

Say Hello to Tumblr instead.

Goodbye for a while, dear Blogger.com.

Twisted monolog dalaman yang terkeluar.

Rasa kosong itu memang sakit,

Tapi rasa kosong itu juga kadang - kadang boleh jadi satu pleasure pain.

Pleasure pain, ahhh.

Boleh juga didefinisikan sebagai bittersweet pain, ey?

Bittersweet pain; dalam konteks pemahaman seorang Qurratu'aini, a wound that caused you to go speechless, a fragment of the memories that have been kept that will lead to emotional roller coaster, and that roller coaster is one hella of a ride. Sampai buatkan kau penat nak fikir, penat nak layan every thoughts that kept appearing in your mind.

Tapi pada masa yang sama, that particular wound jugaklah yang buat kau tersenyum.

Tersenyum.

Sebab bila kau dah teringatkan that particular wound,

Automatically kau akan teringat benda - benda yang dah berlaku beforehand, before wound tu jadi lagi parah.

Dan semua benda tu mampu  buat kau tersenyum.

Dan seakan-akan build all those bloody butterflies again.

Fluttery.

Dan bila teringatkan balik wound yang dah jadi severe tu, that grin, that smile, will be automatically swept off your face.

Dan sakit pun mula datang menggantikan semua butterflies tadi.

Ahh.

Tapi Allah SWT kan ada, Qu?

Allah SWT takkan sesekali tinggalkan kau.

Allah SWT takkan sesekali kecewakan kau.

Allah SWT akan sentiasa ada untuk kita.

Dan semuanya terpulang kepada kita untuk turn to him, to beg for His Mercy.

Masha-Allah.

Dan pernah tak kamu semua hadapi satu situasi, where you thought that every problem of yours have been settled, dan you are in this position where you go, "Gahhh, finally! Lega gilaaaa semua benda dah selesai." But then POOF! came another problem, another load that could mess you up. 

Imagine rows and rows and rows of domino that has been re-arranged carefully, but then came another force that POOF, there goes all the dominos, AGAIN, satu persatu jatuh.

Dan sekali lagi, kau pun berusaha tanpa jenuh untuk re-arrange balik semua domino yang dah jatuh.

Dan bila fikir balik, that is how we supposed to function. True, we will never be in the bed of roses all the time, there will be some times that will hit you right onto your face and buat kau rasa nak terjatuh, pengsan syahid semua,

Tapi setiap kali kita jatuhlah, setiap kali itulah kita kena naikkan balik semangat kita tu.

Setiap kali kita jatuhlah kita kena keluarkan effort untuk build up again all your spirit.

Tanpa jenuh, tanpa bosan.

Tapi andai kata kau rasa penat untuk buat benda yang sama, andai kata kau macam on the verge of giving up...

Allah SWT kan ada?

Allah SWT takkan sesekali tinggalkan kita.

Allah SWT takkan sesekali kecewakan kita.

Allah SWT akan sentiasa ada untuk kita semua.

Dan kini baru aku faham, kita sebenarnya tak keseorangan atas bumi ni.

We are not alone.

Allah the Almighty One will always be with us.

Regardless of distance, race, color of your skin, financial state, locations,

Allah the Most Merciful will always be there to hear your plead.

*smiles* We are not alone, really.

*smiles*

Dan tanpa kita sedari, kita semua sebenarnya ada Allah SWT yang sangat, sangat, SANGAT menyayangi 
kita.

Alhamdulillah.

Syukur.

Sekarang boleh tutup buku lama dan buka baru. That bittersweet pain boleh dibuang, mungkin, insya-Allah. Gotta keep my heart until someone who really deserves it come along. :) Dan kini boleh go through whatever insya-Allah, dan ingatan tentang kekuasaan Allah SWT yang Maha Mendengar takkan sesekali hilang.

P/S : Maaf, entri kali ini agak serabut. Just two cents of mine and typing all of these as a reminder for myself before hitting the bed.

P/S : Teringat kepada conversation with fellow colleagues. Kita tak boleh sentiasa senang duduk sebenarnya. We never knew what might happen in the future.


Salamualaik.

Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah, aku masih lagi di sini.

Alhamdulillah, sudah 6 hari berpuasa, dan aku masih lagi mempunyai kudrat untuk meneruskan ibadat ini.

Alhamdulillah, Physics, Genetics, Chemistry, Dental Anatomy, Dental Biomaterial, Animal Physiology are being fair enough to me.

Alhamdulillah, the crashed summer course is coming to an end.

Alhamdulillah, finals are just around the corner.

Alhamdulillah, Alexandria, Mesir makin panas, tapi masih mampu berjalan, berlari, dan bernafas atas bumi Mesir ini.

Alhamdulillah, mereka, si mereka yang sebenarnya sumber kekuatan aku selama ini, (keluarga dan rakan-rakan (: ) masih lagi di sini, bersama-sama mengejar cita-cita regardless of all the sacrifices that are needed to be done.

Oh Lord, I beg for your mercy, to never stop showering me with your blessings.

Oh Lord, I beg for your mercy to guide our steps and never let us go astray.

Oh Lord, let this Ramadhan be a turning point for me and others to be a better Muslim.

And Oh Lord, Ya Allah, let all the changes that have been done will never be stopped as soon as Ramadhan ends.

Ya Allah, oh Lord, give us the strength to go through anything.

Amin, Insya-Allah.