Things don't really go the way that we want,

Somehow, it feels like....it is uncertain, and it feels like there must be something that has not yet to be spoken of.

But learning from the past, I have come to a conclusion that it will be the best for me to ignore and take my mind off all the "unspoken" and just enjoy your presence.

So really, if things don't go the way that I wanted it to be, I think I shall not fret. For you being there, again, back here, wow, I can't believe how happy I have become.

Thank you, for being there, again.

BTW, my blog sounds like a depressing one, indeed. Should have really brought some sunshine or smile to this blog.

It feels different.

One moment you're with your beloved family in your beloved hometown, and the next thing you know you're in a place that have taught you patience, perseverance, and not forgetting the pain and the agony...Ahh. That's exactly how I feel yesterday.

It feels different. Because somehow, I can feel there's a tiny hole inside me that has been built once I have bid my family farewell. Once I have turned away from them and my my way to the next counter. Knowing that I won't be able to see my family for one more year to come has made that tiny hole bigger, and bigger.

And coming here, I have made myself promise, make a revolution, that is. To not let emotions get in the way. I think that one of my biggest weaknesses is my emotions. Yes, I get affected by emotions really easily. And yes, it will make a big difference if I have managed to control all those.

Speaking of which, I think I need to always remind myself that the reason I'm studying here is not just because I wanted to go after any scholarship. I need to remind myself repeatedly that I am here because I am after ilmu Allah. Ilmu Allah. I am destined here for that.

Alhamdulillah.

Ahh. I guess time will heal. Heal the homesick-ness, that is. True, I will never take my mind off my family and Malaysia, but I think I will and want to smile everytime my mind goes wandering about them. =)


apa2 yang baik untuk kau kau fikir
[21/6/2010 4:33:34 AM] : memang tak boleh lupa malaysia
[21/6/2010 4:33:38 AM] : sebab malaysia baik
[21/6/2010 4:33:42 AM] : terbaik
[21/6/2010 4:33:43 AM] : membaik
[21/6/2010 4:33:46 AM] : kebaikan
[21/6/2010 4:33:53 AM] : sebaik
[21/6/2010 4:33:57 AM] : mengbaik

Ibu taknak kali ni akak cakap rindu selalu tau?

Trust yourself that you will be the strongest girl and you'll make me the happiest ibu in the world.

Reading that brought me to tears.

Do pray for the best, eh.

Yesterday

I have managed to spend;

15.50LE for ayam bakar, nasi putih, air sirap bandung ais and orange ais
2.00LE for taxi
1.00LE for asob
1.00LE for ice cream mango
2.00LE for mineral water
10.75LE for toothbrush.

YESSSS. My money mainly goes to food and water. I was bloated with waterrrr yesterday gahhh Mansoura's getting hotter.

And yesterdayyyy, I have managed to watch;

Nightmare Before Christmas
Mean Machine
half of Green Street Hooligans. ADA ELIJAH WOOD KOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

BTW, British movies should be given 20 thumbs up. haha. Brrrilliiiaaanttttayyhhhh.

Ring a ling

And all I could say right now, Dear God, I beg for your mercy to ease everything that we're going through and I beg for your mercy to give me tranquility that I have been searching for. Amin.

A lot, never less

 P/S : Ini ditujukan khas untuk diri sendiri.

Kau rasa kau dah dapat lepaskan diri dari satu hellhole, tapi kau tak pernah sangka yang kau akan termasuk dalam lagi satu hellhole sekarang.

Dan masa tu, kau rasa kau nak lari sekali lagi daripada hellhole baru tu. Tapi sampai bila kau nak lari? Sebab once kau dah mula berlari, kau mungkin takkan dapat peluang untuk berpatah balik dan cuba fix everything that you can. Dan mungkin kau akan terlepas peluang untuk menyelesaikan masalah kau.

Bersabarlah.

Sabar tu kan separuh daripada iman?

Dan ingatlah yang seberapa berat pun masalah yang kau hadapi, percayalah yang semuanya ada penyelesaian.

Allah SWT takkan menduga bagi mereka yang tak mampu menghadapinya, bukan?

P/S : Teringin nak pergi

Ada sesiapa sudi belikan mana-mana buku dari sana?

Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir, That's what did the trick sir

Bila kau rasa kau dah tersasar dari sesuatu yang kau dah pegang kukuh selama ni, dah tersasar lari dari janji kau selama ni, apa yang kau patut rasa? Dan kau pun mula risau apa outcome that you can get hasil daripada kesilapan kau tadi. Dan kau pun mula menyalahkan diri sendiri, Kalaulah aku tak buat tu, kalaulah aku tak buat ni...

Rasa sesak, kan?

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

Bila sesuatu benda yang kau sayang tu mula jauh dari kau, barulah kau mula gelabah gabra. Barulah kau sedar yang selama ni kau tak pernah keluarkan usaha hatta sedikit pun untuk tunjukkan yang kau sayang kat benda tu. Barulah kau sedar yang selama ni kau tak pernah pun nak tunjukkan yang kau appreciate sesuatu benda tu.

Dan bila kau pandang sesuatu benda tu, mesti timbul jugak something that you call as rindu. Rindu. Sebab dulu kau pernah ada close affection dengan sesuatu benda itu, dan entah macam mana kau boleh renggang dengan sesuatu benda itu, kau abaikan sesuatu benda itu, dan kemudian sesuatu benda itu nak pergi. Baru lah kau sedar yang you have missed a great deal of time to be spent dengan sesuatu benda itu.

Dan kau pun mulalah cari jalan untuk tunjukkan your appreciation. Tapi kau tahu yang usaha-usaha kau tu takkan dapat membuatkan sesuatu benda yang kau sayang tu untuk stay, tak pergi, dan kau tahu yang usaha-usaha kau tu takkan dapat membuatkan sesuatu benda itu untuk tukar fikiran dia. Tapi tak kisahlah, yang penting kau tahu yang walaupun usaha kau tu semua macam agak terlambat, tapi at least kau dapat suarakan apa yang kau rasa. At least kau dapat beritahu dia yang kau sebenarnya sayangkan sesuatu benda tu. At least sesuatu benda itu tahu apa sebenarnya yang kau rasa.

Dan betullah mereka cakap, better late than never.




Lesson has been learnt.

Appreciate the ones that appreciate you.

And use all the time that you have with your loved ones wisely, even it is just for one day.

Salam rindu dari Malaysia.

Qu