Something to be poured out;

Just something that comes across my mind;

I have hit that number 19 years old a few weeks ago and jyeahhh, for these 19 years of my life have I done anything that can establish me as the perfect Muslimah? And sadly the answer to that is a big no. Something have been missing and coming here, masha-Allah, I have started to find all those missing pieces and insha-Allah it will form the puzzle that I have been searching for all these while. Never ever regretted my decision for coming here, if I wouldn't be here now, I can't imagine what kind of a person I would be now. So jyeahhh, to everyone around me who has never failed to inspire me and give me all those wonderful lessons and ideas about this life, about Allah, about Islam, about myself, about humanity, about love, about basically everything, without you guys I would be so knowledge-less (seriously pardon my annoying vocab) and jyeahh all I could say now is Alhamdulillah. =')

Truth to be told;

It takes more than one giga dose of patience and more than all those piles of tears sweat and bloods to build up a wall of confidence that has already been crushed down to pieces.

This is me trying to;

Trying to balance everything,
Trying to catch up on studies,
Trying my hardest not to feel guilty,
Trying my hardest not to have some ntah pape punye breakdown,
Trying my hardest to keep that fighting spirit alive,
Trying my hardest not to sigh and question why are there so many problems that have been happening one after another,
Trying my hardest not to complain,
Trying my hardest to keep myself from making the wrong decisions,
Trying and wanting to make things right.

Finals are due in one month, 12/1/2011, and I can sadly confess that my progress in study is like entah 20% macam tu kot. Gahh. Whatever happened to that burning spirit that I have masa summer course dulu?  Whatever happened to everything, every effort that I have given out masa summer course dulu?

And jyeahhh, some things have been happening and I feel it's totally on me, I mean if I didn't procrastinate in handling things, my friends wouldn't be in the situation they're in right now. So yeah...I can't help but to   feel totally guilty for whatever that have been happening to us for the time being... =(

Tapi Allah tu Maha Adil kan? And all I could pray for now is just..I really do hope that things are going to get better soon. Every cloud has a silver lining, and I hope I would never stop being hopeful because difficult times always lead to better days, insha-Allah.

And things that have been happening actually opened my eyes to see more weakness of mine. Maybe this is what I get for treating others badly. Maybe this is what I get for procrastinating. Maybe this is what I get for not praying hard. Maybe this is what I get for every mistake that I have done before.

Hmm...

And when they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..

O' Allah, lend me your strength, please? =(

p/s : sekarang ni asyik rasa yang diri ni asyik terlepas pandang all those simple and little things yang actually play a big role in our life. And sekarang rasa menyesal for being so...entahlah, for being so ignorant I guess. Hmm.

Seriously;

Tumblr's being cuckoo. Dah bye.

And cheers to whatever that may come through;

Alhamdulillah, everything's starting to fall into the right places, Alhamdulillah. My housemates and I did some house-hunt for the last couple of weeks and Alhamdulillah yesterday's hunt brought some good news for us.

These few days have been quite err..hectic, I should say. My mind is quite un-organized and messy and berserabut and serabaiii. 2 more papers to go, both of them are killer subjects for me; PHYSIOLOGY AND ARAB.

So jyeahhh, maybe won't be updating that much after this, (Macam kau selalu update pulak, Qu? =.=') Anddddd I need to constantly remind myself so that my feet will be planted firmly on the ground, so that I am awaken to see the reality.

Kalau buat countdown untuk balik ke Malaysia next June/July starting now, melampau tak? Haha