I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating

How I wish I could be the old me that used to laugh and smile all day long, the old me that used to talk and rant endlessly, the old me that used to have the courage to talk to my parents about anything, the one that has the ability and managed to talk to anyone about any of my problems...

And I'm losing all those slowly, out of consciousness.

When you're in a situation where you can't even reply your parents' messages without feeling helpless, what does that imply? What is freaking happeninggggg?